Are cows intelligent?

Interviewer: Are cows intelligent?

CowboyBenWade: Bovine intelligence is a widely debated subject, but I speak from personal experience. I am intimately familiar with their behavior, and they hide their intelligence well. You have to look for it with a trained eye. Lots of things happen in a cow field that ranchers are unaware of - lots of subtle community business.

Interviewer: Could you give me an example?

CowboyBenWade: Did you know that cows hold public funerals? It's a strange thing to see them all standing around the one who has died. They are having a viewing. They know what has happened, and it's a terrible thing. Lots of mooing and hoof stomping can be observed - that's how they express their dismay.

Interviewer: Do cows have feelings?

CowboyBenWade: You would never think that a cow with such a mild face could feel anything other than happiness, but they do. They get sad just like we do, especially when they feel like it's all over - like they can't make it. It's hard for them to even get up off the ground. They also get distressed if someone were to take their baby - they are known to cry and moan for days. Sometimes the other cows will come over and try to comfort and soothe; things aren't so sad with companions, and I think they understand that.

Interviewer: That sounds a lot like how I feel sometimes.

CowboyBenWade: Sometimes I don't think they are that different than we are, they just can't talk about it so you would never know. It's harder to eat them now, now that I know that about them.

Interviewer: How do they compare to dogs?

CowboyBenWade: Dogs, obviously are smarter - way smarter. They are trainable, which cows are not. Dogs can be bribed with treats to perform certain actions on command. You can't bribe a cow, it wouldn't understand. But dogs have something even better - personalities. Most cows, with the exception of a very very few (and highly desirable and sought after animals) lack personalities. By that I mean they all have the same personality (again with the exception of the few desirables). I guess that's a good thing, otherwise I might get too attached. It's hard to fall for something if it's just like everything else - kinda like a sugar cookie, one is just as good as the next.

Interviewer: I guess that goes for people too.

CowboyBenWade: That's true I suppose.

Interviewer: Are desirable cows with personalities smarter?

CowboyBenWade: It's hard to say, but I think so. It's a bell curve, and the smarter ones tend to be more sociable and able to interact with other species. And they can even express affection - that's why ranchers love them so much. I friendly cow is like a big dog, and there's nothing better than company when you are working in the cow field. They like to stick their noses in whatever you're doing.

Interviewer: Can you give me another example of cow intelligence?

CowboyBenWade: Cows like to solve problems, and they are good at it. Sometimes they will find themselves in a pen, and the grass is greener outside the pen. If one of them is especially resourceful, it might figure out a way to escape. Such a cow will jump for joy in the green grass and kick its back legs to celebrate. The less capable animals just watch enviously.

Interviewer: What about trauma - how do cows handle painful experiences?

CowboyBenWade: If you do something mean to a cow, it will remember who you are and what you did. It may seek retribution in the future. They are known to remember details about how they've been hurt and who did it. Elephants are the same way. I heard a story one time of someone who tricked an elephant into drinking some nasty medicine. Well, the elephant remembered who did it, and when that man came back some time later, the elephant threw rocks at him. He's lucky to be alive.

Interviewer: I'd hate to do something mean to a bull and have it remember.

CowboyBenWade: You have to treat them with respect because you think they'll forget and they don't. One day you'll be out there mending a fence, and that bull is going to put its head down and come for you because of what you did to him three years ago. He's been waiting for his chance. You would never remember what you did. It would appear unprovoked.

Interviewer: I don't think I would want to be a butcher.

CowboyBenWade: Most times the cow doesn't escape the butcher, but if he does, the butcher should be careful, especially if he had already started on that animal. If they were to meet again, it might go the other way.

Interviewer: Do cows know that they are going to be eaten?

CowboyBenWade: I think humans are the only creatures that know they are going to die, and most people don't do anything about it.

Interviewer: Why don't they do something?

CowboyBenWade: It's just like I said, when a cow is down it thinks it can't get up so it gives up, and there it lies. People are like that too, they think it's inevitable, so they don't even look for a way of escape. They just see everybody having funerals and think that's how it ends. I'll never be able to convince them otherwise.